Presidential Debate Part 1

Daniel's post on this got me writing. Here's my take (read Daniel's post if you're lost)

Mr. Obama, do you have a plan to fix this country?

O: I have a plan and John McCain doesn't have a plan. My plan will remove your choices and I will take the glory, but man those poor people will love me. You will all live in a world of lollipops and gumdrops. It will happen. It will happen.

Mr. McCain do you have a plan to fix this country?

M: I think I have a plan, but whether or not I do, it has to be better than Obama's plan because Obama is the black Satan. In the event I do not have a plan, we'll ask Vicente Fox what he thinks. But isn't Sara Palin hot?

Mr. Obama, what about the economy?

O: George Bush's Texan-Republican-White-Supremacist-Rich Good Ol' Boy attitude has destroyed every chance that non-working people ever had to own a four-bedroom home in the Valley. That's just not right. Let's look at it this way. Say, If you went out trick or treating on Halloween, and you hit, say, six or seven neighborhoods--either that or you just went around Larry and Cathie's neighborhood six or seven times (as I did in my pumpkin costume)--then, say, there was a poor young man, who missed the trick or treating because he just threw eggs at passing vehicles instead of trick or treating. You see, at the end of the night, who has all the candy? You do. And how can we have a world full of lollipops and gumdrops unless you start spreading some of that candy around? Now Mr. McCain would have you think that you can just eat all that candy yourself. But if you really want change to occur, see, you know that it is your repsponsibility to not eat all that candy. I mean, who could possibly eat all that candy? You would see that giving half or more of it to the less fortunate would result in complete and utter bliss for everyone involved. Then that poor egg throwing young man, could have some candy too. It will happen. It will happen.

Mr. McCain, the economy?

M: Economy is such a dirty word. I prefer to call it "The Money Factor." My friends, this is so simple. All we need to do here is have the Federal Reserve print tens of billions of dollars. The we spend enough money and soon everyone will forget that there is a problem with the Eco-- I mean the Money Factor. It's all a matter of what moose do you want to shoot? You could shoot the moose with the big antlers, or you could shoot the moose with the small antlers. At the end of the day, both will give you good eating. Am I right Sara?

S: That's right John. And let me just say that if you put lipstick on the moose . . .

O: . . . It's still a moose. Which reminds me that did you know that if you shot that moose-- but it did not die-- and it needed emergency medical treatment, chances are that moose would not have health insurance. There are millions and millions of mooses, moose, meese? Anyway, millions of them that run the daily risk of becoming shot and not having health care. No American moose should have to live in fear of taking a bullet without having a secure health care plan to fall back on. My administration would make sure we took enough candy from every trick or treater who actually filled more than half his bag, to make sure that moose would have adequate health care.

Mr. McCain, health care?

M: Look, if you just kill the damn moose, you don't need the health care. But my friends, what I'm really saying is that if we got more Mexicans to come to California, and Utah, and all those wonderful states, and they started picking more strawberries, and selling more oranges on the freeway onramps, and doing the jobs that Americans just won't do--and we could put these people into the system--give them social security numbers, and start taxing them, then we wouldn't have to raise anyone's taxes. Just let the system work. It's all about the Mexicans.

Mr. Obama, some people say that you are not actually a natural born US Citizen. Your comments?

O: Look, I take offense to that. I don't remember where I was born. Do you? I mean I had just barely become a living organism. five seconds prior to that I was a perfectly abortable entity, and had my mother, bless her white soul, chosen to end the existence of the parasite growing inside her, this would not even be a question for me during this debate.

To Be Continued . . . .