October 31. It's the day that you put on stupidly ridiculous clothes you wouldn't be caught dead (no pun intended) in on October 30.
You go to the store and buy $50.00 worth of candy to pass out to other people's kids--kids that don't even live in your neighborhood, but drive 15 miles in mini vans and suburbans filled to the brim because your street has sidewalks.
Then you dress your kids in ridiculously stupid clothes (at least you can laugh at them), so you can take them out to collect $2.00 worth of candy.
You eat too much chili and Fritos and get the farts.
Later, you steal $1.00 worth of your kids candy; they cry, but you say, "Hey I bought $50.00 worth of candy, and I expect at least some return on my investment." They don't understand and run away and hide the rest of their candy from you.
The good things about Halloween? Aside from watching some poor kid in the haunted house wet himself, besides having your kids quiet all the way home from grandma's because they are so busy eating the 20 pieces of candy they got, besides finally turning off the porch light, then telling the selfish little brat that still dares to ring the doorbell, "We don't have anymore candy you greedy pig," there's no real reason for this day. Am I missing something?
Excuse me. I have the farts.
Jim
Jim and Carrie Heywood
The BEST of the Heywoods
Friday, October 31, 2008
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3 comments:
Your post is right on. Except for one thing. The title should be, "Why Halloween is better than Christmas."
Oh, I love Halloween too! That was your point, right? Hidden behind facetious words?
Brandi left me home to work on my dissertation - I had an Oct. 31 deadline. I was supposed to open the door for trick-or-treaters while she took the kids out.
I was bugged about having to get up so much, but glad to be rid of noise.
But guess how many times the doorbell rang?
Zero.
I had a quiet evening and I got to eat all the candy myself!
Sweet.
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