Child Labor- The Real Advantage Of My Cell Phone

I have discovered some hidden talents of my cell phone that make my life as a parent easier. Like cell phone induced child labor. How about the cell phone fashion police? Or my favorite, the cell phone as waiter.

Don't get it. Read on. Who knew the cell phone could be so wonderful?

1. You just finished a huge run at Costco and the car is packed. No way should you have to take all those groceries inside. You did all the shopping. Three minutes before you reach home, whip out the cell phone and call the kids. If you time it right they will all be standing in the driveway waiting to lug all the stuff inside. One note of caution...teens who answer your call will send all the little ones out in the heat while they play Nintendo. Whoops...maybe that's your husband who does that.

2. Your teenage son rushes out the door to go to seminary at 4:55 am. As you look at him through sleep deprived eyes, you realize something is not quite right. Ten minutes later it kicks in. Through the handy dandy cell phone you can call your son because he too has a cell phone. Ain't that great? The conversation usually goes something like this:

Son- "Helllllloooooo"

Mom- "Is your shirt on backwards?"

Son- "Um...yeah"

Mom- "Did you brush your hair this morning?"

Son- "I ran my hand through it. Does that count?"

Mom- "How come I am looking at your semester project that is due today on the kitchen table?"

Son- "Yeah. About that. Could you bring that with you when you come to work?"

Mom- "Son, I love you. How about getting a little more organized?"

Son- "What did you say? You're breaking up. Anyone there? Alright, if you can hear me.....Gotta go."

So the cell phone saved my son's grade, saved him from wearing his shirt inside out and backwards and saved him from having a meaningful conversation. That's miraculous.

Cell phone usage noticed in my classroom. Students are not supposed to have them but like that will actually happen.

3. Jessica is intently taking notes from our lecture on WWII Monday morning when her cell phone rings in class. She visibly cringes. "Sorry, Mrs. Heywood. I forgot to put my phone on silent." Then she glances down at who is calling and looks at me with fear. "Ummmm...Mrs Heywood, my mom is on the phone. Can I answer it?"

Now at this point I have a dilemma. As a teacher I am supposed to enforce the no cell phone rule but I am wavering because as a parent I'm thinking what if it is an emergency. The mom in me wins out.

"O.k. answer it but make it quick."

So Jessica answers the phone and is whispering frantically into it. This goes on for two to three minutes when Jessica hangs up and looks at me with tears in her eyes. I walk over in concern.

"Are you o.k.? Is everything alright at home? Do you need to go to office?"

Jessica looks at me with bleary eyes "Yeah everything is fine at home but I'm grounded." and she puts her head down on the desk to cry.

I tried not to smile as I walked back to the front of the room. Wow. Grounding your kid while they are in class. I wondered if I would ever ground my kid via the cell phone while they were in class. Probably, if it ever came up.

4. You're sitting in another part of the house and you want something to drink but don't want to get up for it. Use your cell phone. Call the home phone. One of the kids answers and you tell them your request. They respond with "Geezzzzzzze" but bring you the glass of water anyway. Jim did this last night. It worked like a charm.

Now a word to the wise. Kids are tricky little human beings. They are far more clever at using those cell phones than we are. I've seen 'em text message while taking notes AND looking straight at me. They download movie clips and songs and all sorts of other things I wish they didn't. They can talk, walk, hold a phone conversation, and two other conversations on the side. Not to mention the ridiculously dangerous practice of texting while driving. So beware. Sometimes the kid may actually use the cell phone to your disadvantage.

Case in point.

It's 10:00 at night. I'm settling in for the night. Sent all the kids to bed. Yelled that they brush their teeth but didn't actually check to see if they did. The house is getting nice and quiet when my cell phone rings.

"Great. Who can that be?"

I look down and it's our house number.

"Hello? "

"Come cover me up."

"What?!"

"Come cover me up." click.

Matthew, like the true smart-a** Heywood that he is, used the device against me. I could hear him laughing all the way down the hall.

"Geezzzzzze!" But you have to give it to the kid. He knew my game and played me good.